En Attendant

I’m still counting on days. I still don’t know when he is coming back but I know we will be together again. Almost 2 years since the last time we met and my heart is still beating because I never lose hope on you.

Here, I sat on a bench, in a garden near my apartment. I am a student of Microbiology department in a Science School in Paris, France. I don’t have to mention the name of the school, right? Because I think you might stalking at me. I have a weird habit here. After I finish class, I will go to this garden near my apartment, even when the weather isn’t support me to sit on the bench (except raining though).

I used to have a happier life here. Everything I want is here, so there is no time to be sad. The whole time, I spent my life with my friends or sometimes I spent my life inside the lab to finish homework. Well, maybe it is a little bit rough to live as a Scientist and a traveller at the same time. Your mind want some refreshments, but your science part never want to leave the job behind. When I remind again all the things I’ve ever done like this, I thought that it wasn’t really bad until someone was coming to my life.

I remember, it was right on the same day to today, 4 years ago, on the same place. As usual I took my book to this garden after I came back home for a while to put my bag into my apartment and then sit on this bench. After I wrote on my book for a while, I realised that someone was staring at me really deep. Well, you guys know how does it feel. I searched for the person  who stared at me and I saw he was the person who sat on the bench across my bench. He smiled at me and I can barely smile at him. He was so damn mesmerising. I know that he was not fit my type of guy, but he was so beautiful so that I couldn’t concentrate at writing. His smile was too beautiful to be ignored.

That time, when a I have a little bit courage, I started to wake up and walked to his bench. I don’t know why I had so much power to wake up from my sit and walk to him. I think that his smile was the invitation to meet him right away. I sat next to him and we started our conversation. And I didn’t write my book that time and we had so much similarity; music, movies, and we are both science student, just he studies in another university. Since that day we became closer and closer, until I realised I feel the love. I feel warm with you even though it was quite cold in Paris. I felt, you stare was shuttering m me so that I couldn’t ever see you at your eyes.

One day, about 3 months from the first meet, we talked as usual and we laughed together. That day was quite warm even it was winter in Paris. There are so many people and children there to see the sun. Our favourite bench is my bench. With an oak tree above and sometimes the leaves falling down and we play with them just to relax. That day, I don’t know why, after we finished our conversation, we didn’t start another conversation as usual, but we stared at each other. He smiled at me, but I couldn’t smile at him, I was once more mesmerised by his smile and suddenly he kissed me under this old oak tree. I felt flowery and I never felt a warm kiss as his kiss. We ran into our deepest thought and luckily we could finish that kiss. I was scared that kiss would run into lust. Well, I could feel already the lust we had. And then he said to me if I want to be her girl and I just said yes, truly  YES so we ran back into my apartment (He knows where’s my apartment already) and I never thought that it would really happened.

Our relationship had so much fun and we hardly have a problem! Everybody just said to us that we are a cute couple, we never had a fight or else. We were really honest to each other and yeah we live happily, until 2 years ago at this bench, he said to me that he should go abroad for his study in the Canada. I couldn’t stand my tears and my heart was torn to hear that. I don’t know, I cried under the the wintery air and the falling leaves, I cried almost 30 minutes on his lap and he was shushing and tried to make me stop crying. I knew that I have to let him go for his study. So the next week, I woke up for the last time beside him. I made his favourite pancakes with maple sirup for the last time. We made it, we made it. I made it though, I could let him go. I should! We ran under the shower together for the last time also and it would feel so fast until we quickly went to Charles de Gaulle Airport. A fast goodbye, with a kiss and hug without tears. A message send to me said, “Take care chérie, we will be together until the end of the world. Merci pour les merveilleuse temps avec toi, Je t’aime beaucoup. Don’t worry, we will be together forever.” He texted me right before the plane took off and it was the last time I saw him.

Yesterday, I received an e-mail said that he had a car accident. I was so shocked and the mail said that he was in hospital, had a head surgery, because there was a bleeding. I don’t know, I worried all the time and I can’t sleep last night. I was the only person He had. Yes, he hasn’t any siblings and his parents passed away already. This morning, again I received an e-mail and written that He couldn’t survive the bleeding and he passed away as the mail written. I fell down into the floor and was so shocked. I could barely breath and I decided to take again this book, write this as the closing of this book under this old Oak tree. I feel like you are beside me right now. I know that you are watching me from above with your mesmerising smile. I know that someday we will meet again. Je t’aime Lucas.

Ta chérie,



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